Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Me v. Arthropods

Arthropoda: Worst phylum in the history of EVER! Ok, so the crustacea critters don't bother me, but the cheliceratas and myriapodas can totally suck it. They need to die. (PSA: Don't take zoology; you will think it will be super interesting and involve fun things like petting baby giraffes, but in reality you will learn everything you never wanted to know about worms and other gross/dumb/boring creatures and the only thing you will get to "pet" will be a huge dead fish in a giant bucket of dizziness/headache-inducing formaldehyde.)

It wouldn't be so bad if they would just stay away from me. But I live in the swamp, where arthropods outnumber humans 5 million to 1. And apparently I emit not only a high-pitched whine that only animals in distress can hear, but also another sound that says, "Hey, arthropods, come over here!"

And poor thin-skinned TB Salem is the same; while his QH/draft-cross neighbor has nary a fly on her, he is getting bitten repeatedly, despite his fly mask/boots/sheet. A few times, it's gotten to the point that he's been kicking his belly, squealing, and rearing because the mosquitoes are biting him relentlessly. I'll stand there and just smack his belly & neck (really the only 2 uncovered places on him), killing mosquito after mosquito, and he'll just stand there like, "Thank you!"

Old Anti-Fly Outfit (that brand-new fly sheet was
very generously donated by a fellow boarder -- how
sweet is that?!)

I think we both need beekeepers' outfits. Of course, Salem is the priority and his has already been ordered, along with three bottles of fly spray (which will last me all of, oh, two weeks).

Then there's Aragog. Ya know, Aragog the giant spider from Harry Potter? Well, he lives in my feed room.

WARNING: Pic of huge gross spider coming up!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, but that is like half a step down from a tarantula. *shiver* Just typing that word makes me cringe. And not only is he a spider-on-steroids, he is a jumping spider-on-steroids. And ya know what's worse than walking into the feed room and seeing him? Walking into the feed room and not seeing him. Because then you just know that he's hiding, probably somewhere above your head, and he's planning to ambush you and get revenge for all of the spiders that you have mercilessly smooshed in your lifetime.

OK, so let's review the evidence of the arthropods' attacks. Over the last few weeks:

~ # of roaches I have seen: 40 kajillion

~ # of roaches that have been ON me: 3

~ # of times I've gotten into the car after being @ the barn, started driving away, felt something move in my hair, felt my head, realized there was some kind of giant bug in my hair, and began frantically clawing at my hair in an attempt to remove said bug, all while shrieking/squealing/swerving around erratically and nearly driving off the road: 2

~ # of mosquito bites that I have: Innumerous. Seriously. I've been wearing long sleeves whenever I'm out in public because I look like I have chicken pox/leprosy/flesh-eating bacteria skin rot of death.

~ # of times Aragog/Son-of-Aragog has tried to attack me: 4 (that I know of)

This means war!


Alana said...

lol!!! Aragog has relatives that live in my barn. As I was feeding last night one the size of a dinner plate (not that I'm exaggerating or anything) came scuttling around one of the feed barrels and giggled when I went flying backwards. Then he watched me. Following me with all his many, icky, eyes. They have bitten me and it hurts and leaves a weird lump. Other spiders are icky, but O.K. but not that kind. And I am not a 'wimpy girl'. I have a 5 1/2ft rat snake in my barn, and the resulting offspring. I named him/her Fluffy. But not Aragog relatives!

Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

BARF on that spider. I HATE creepy crunchy bugs!!!! So the F is up with the roaches????!! Laz too is a feast for all bugs. The new fly sheet I think is helping although it does make him feel hotter (sigh) but at least he has less welt/hives from all the bites. How about Salem's sweet ears?? Do those get attacked like crazy by flies!? We literally went for a road ride and flew into a standardbred trot to try and run away from all the flies chewing his perfect ears! I need a bubble for my horse!! :) How is your fly spray holding up? Works for flies but not mosquitoes? grrrr

SprinklerBandit said...

I feel some of your pain. We are minus giant spiders and the bugs aren't that bad, but it seems like all the ones we have go straight for Izzy. She's totally covered in bug bites. Also her fly sheet rubs, so she can't wear it without a shoulder guard, but when it's 100f out, I don't feel right about that.

Oh well. At least it's warm and the mornings are nice.

eventer79 said...

You forgot leeches. They got me twice today and I didn't even know till I looked down and saw my leg was bleeding out. Sneaky hobbitses. Even if they are not Arthropoda.

Frizzle said...

Alana, the Aragogs must die!!! ;-)

Kristen, Florida is pretty much a swamp full of roaches. We also have "palmetto bugs," which is really just a fancy name for "roach with freaking WINGS." As for the ears, yes, Salem does get bitten there, that's why I just bought a fly mask with ears. Maybe you could get a Cashel Quiet Ride mask with ears for Laz (they're meant for riding)? I believe Dover's house brand Rider's International also has a version of the Quiet Ride, but cheaper.

SB, Salem's old fly sheet rubs, him, too. :-( I'm hoping the new one won't. I'm jealous that you have no giant spiders and not many flies!

Eventer, holy crap! I'm happy to say I've never had a leech on me. Yucky!!!

achieve1dream said...

This whole post just gave me the heebie jeebies. Totally relate. Yuck!

pharmacy said...

Hey it's very interesting, I love reading about animals and horses are pretty noble. I loved it!