Monday, April 22, 2013

Warning: Don't Try This @ Home!

Lately, I have been having many wildlife encounters. Just a few weeks ago, I was crouched on my screened-in porch wearing my giant blue leather "falconry" gloves, clutching a phone in one ear, holding an economy-sized Splenda box in the other, staring intently at a tiny little bird that my cat had had in her mouth for about 6 seconds, and whispering to my friend, "Should I poke it? Do you think it's okay? Do you think it needs to go to a wildlife sanctuary? Do I put it in the box? Will it try to peck my eyes out? Should I throw some bird seed at it?"

And then earlier tonight, I found this guy on the ledge of Salem's stall window:


Is it terrible that I think he would make a super-cute purse?

Now, I was about 97% sure that it was just a harmless cornsnake. But I knew that Salem would probably wig out whether it was a 12-foot water moccasin or a baby garden snake. So of course, I did what any mostly-sane semi-sane horse owner would do: I boldly charged into the stall wielding a riding crop and the protective fury of a mama cougar defending her young.

Oh, yes I did just yell "Git!" to a snake. At that point, he looked like he was going to slither into the section between the boards (the stable has double walls and he was going in between them), so I had to keep poking him with the crop and hoping he would vamoose.


I swear, these horses have NO idea the lengths we dedicated horse owners go to in order to ensure their health, safety, comfort, peace of mind, etc.--NO.IDEA.

*Lecture about why you should not poke wildlife with riding crops coming from eventer79 in 5...4...3...2...1...  (Lol, sorry--couldn't resist ;-D)


Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

watching that thing slither makes me want to barf!!!!!!!! Hearing you say "EEE" is hilarious!

Frizzle said...

He was doing that "I'm gonna strike you" posture thing-y, which is scary even if you are pretty sure it's non-poisonous (I'm no snake expert, but I was *pretty* sure it was a corn snake). The good news is that corn snakes eat rats, so maybe he will get rid of a few of those!

SheMovedtoTexas said...

Omg you are brave! I would have squealed and stared at it from a very safe distance, ha.

L.Williams said...

Just found your blog, looking forward to catching up. Recently I've been snake catching too. Glad it wasn't anything poisonous!

eventer79 said...

Oh you silly things! He IS a completely harmless (and beautiful) corn snake, LOL. I swear, one of these days, I am going to use my most beloved newfound site, Let Me Google That For You, for simple snake identification.

Oh, that's right, you knew you were going to get in trouble, hee!! That little guy and his friends are doing you heaps of favours by gobbling the rodents that try to steal your feed. You don't have to give him a hug of thanks (although I will, SQUEEEE of adorableness!) but I command thee to let him be!! :P

Although, I admit, after I got over being terrified that you were going to say you hurt him, I completely ROFL'ed at you telling him to "GO AWAY!" because, erm, snakes have no ears, he can't hear you, hahahahahhahahaha!

I will forever be mystified as to how people can be afraid of an animal that has no legs, cannot jump, even I (the slowest human alive) can outrun -- and lots of them even have smiley faces! I mean, I'm afraid of tornadoes but they suck me up and kill me at 100 mph!

And no worries for Salem -- I am sure you know that snake anti-venom is made using horse serum because they manufacture such good antibodies. Even the largest venomous snake to ever reside in Florida does not have enough venom to take down a horse. Fatalities are generally limited to horses who are not often checked on and get bitten on the nose, as then their airway swells shut. This is easily avoided by keeping two pieces of hose on hand that can be pushed into the nostrils to protect airflow. Horsey will look terrible for a bit, but he will be fine.

Look, now I even gave you a plan for an excruciatingly unlikely event, given how Salem is sooo neglected, LOL! Plus, nearly all of our venemous species in the US are quite reclusive and prefer to stay farrrr away from people (oh wait, so do I).

So next time you see my beloved herptile friends, instead you can say, "OH HAI, THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO!" ;-P

Frizzle said...

YAY! I knew I could count on our wildlife expert! ;-)

Believe me, I do SO appreciate that snake being around to clean up the rats. I would much rather have harmless snakes around than rats, as long as they are not poisonous. Snakes don't really freak me out. I will take them ANY day over rats. Or spiders. Or ghosts. Or chupacabras.

No, no, never had ANY intention of hurting it! Just wanted to scare it away because, even though it wouldn't hurt Salem, I knew that Salem would totally flip his sh!t the second he saw it. Because OMIGAH IT'S A SNAAAAAAAAAAKE! That is why I just armed myself with a harmless riding crop and not, say, an axe. Just wanted to chase it away without actually touching/hurting it.

And even if he has no ears, I am sure Mr. Snake enjoyed my colorful commentary. :-D Maybe he can read lips!

Hhhhmm, I will have to find some hose or tube-like objects to cut and keep around in case of said emergency. I'm sure Saley would look uber cool with hoses shoved up his nose! *makes mental note so emergency medical kit will be complete*

I'll be sure to thank him if I ever see him again!

P.S. I, too, am a fan of Let Me Google That For You! ;-)

eventer79 said...

ROFL, I accept my predictability! I was TOTALLY entertained by your commentary, I almost choked myself laughing.

I used to loooove spiders, but then some kid made me watch Arachnophobia years ago. Now, although I appreciate them deeply and they are fine to be wherever they want, even in my house if they can survive the feline gauntlet, if they crawl up my arms, erm...I may squeak like a girl and then die of shame, haha!

Frizzle said...

I DON'T do spiders! Never have, never will. In fact, when I took Zoology I had to go through the spider section of my book and put Post-Its on all the pictures so I could study without being completely terrified.

And how moronic am I--T have watched Arachnaphobia not once but TWICE! Lol. Although it is a bit of a misnomer because the arachnid group includes spiders, scorpions, and their allies (which I believe are fleas and ticks) and I am not skeered of all of those. *points at self* Zoology NERD!

achieve1dream said...

Snakes don't bother me.... spiders scare the crap out of me! You guys are hilarious. I go out and move harmless four foot long king snakes with nothing but a rake.... LOL!! :D